Forgetting all I'm lacking
by TheArticulateA
Summary: It's the end of the world and Matt doesn't notice until he decides to leave his apartment, after several weeks of gaming. He sets off to find the blond that left five years ago, and hopefully he will figure something out along the way and not get himself killed. WARNING. There will be really bad triggering things to come in this fic. I'll update the rating as I update the chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**I really don't know if I should continue writing this or not? I mean, I will probably keep it going for a little while, considering I have nothing else to do at the moment, but if people don't like it… Then I'll maybe try and focus on another idea? Anyway, reviews would be a great help, but I hope you enjoy~**

* * *

Mello had always told me I was completely irresponsible, but I'd never listen, that was until he finally had enough of me and left. Five years had passed since that day. I didn't know it was actually possible to miss someone so much.

Quite pathetic, if you ask me.

He was probably out there, not a care in the world. Not even a second thought about me, nor my well being, yet all I did. Every minute, of every hour, of every day. I thought about him. Where was he? Who was he with? Was he safe? Was he even still…

Never mind say it, I couldn't even think it. Mello had to be safe, he was always the smarter one out of the two of us, even if he was out on the streets I know he'd find a way to get food or shelter. He was Mello, and there was no doubting his skills when it came to survival, because he was one determined son of a bitch.

It is odd. Why I think of him so much. I guess it's because he was my best friend, or rather the only friend I've ever had. I could trust him with anything, all my secrets, not that I had many to tell in the first place. It was just nice to know if you ever needed someone to talk to, or even just sit with, he'd be there.

I couldn't help but blame myself for him running away. It had all happened right after we moved out of Wammy's. Finally free from that shit hole of a home. We rented a small apartment on the bad side of town, and did what we could for money.

Well, when I say we, what I mean is Mello. I never got a job. I just hacked, that's how I got my money, but Mello didn't like it. He said it was unfair. That I should earn my money with my body and actually work hard. However, I did always doubt what he meant by his body, considering Mello was one of the prettiest guys I knew, no homo, hell knew what he did for cash.

Anyway, my point is. Mello got pissed. He came home one day and went on and on, telling me I was useless, I was just going to wither away at my computer screen. That I wasn't living. Little did he know I was planning to hack into a bank. It was a huge deal I'd been working on for months. Then we'd be able to leave this place, get a decent apartment, and Mello wouldn't have to do, whatever it was that got him so hot and bothered when he came home, for money.

It was successful, but he wasn't around to experience the joy and thousands of dollars that came along with the robbery. It was a shame really, but I finally moved. Even if that did mean he'd no longer be able to find me so easily, I had to move. Living there was making me miserable.

Now here I am, in L.A, I have a small studio apartment, it's nothing too fancy, just nice. I really wish I could have shared the money with him. He did so much for me all those years ago. He kept me going when I'd already given up. He was my backbone, my support system, and when he left those things left with him.

Fourteen cans of red-bull later and forty eight hours at the computer screen and I'd finally done it. I tracked him down. There he was. That beautiful mother fucking blond.

A small chuckle left my lips, although I wasn't quite too sure what it was. This sensation, being able to track him down after all that time. Maybe it was the determination that drove me insane, or the fact that the world was falling apart at my doorstep, and I was completely oblivious to it. Well, some part of me must have known. Something in my head was telling me I needed to find him, he was waiting. I knew it.

Grabbing my fur vest and leather gloves. With the sound of the zip snapping under my chin, and my goggles slapping harshly against the skin around my eyes, I headed out the door and down the street.

The sight I was met with. Well, let's just say I hadn't been out for a couple of weeks, but this… This I was not expecting.

People. No. They weren't people. What were they?

Diseased? Insane? Some sort of occult? I had no idea, but to be honest I was not sticking around long enough to find out. I jumped in my baby Camaro before I was spotted and pulled out of the parking lot.

The city was well… Mayhem. People were killing, looting, rioting through the streets. But, most disturbingly… Eating other people. To be honest I'd dreamed of this day. I had. I was a slob, all I did was sit in my apartment and played games all day while going through the occasional forum for a chat with other strangers like myself.

That would have been the ideal life for me. But, not now. Right now I wanted Mello. I needed to see him before he ran. I knew him. Where there was danger you'd find Mello.

I fumbled with the dial on the radio, tuning it in until I found a live station where a very erratic woman explained what was going on. Apparently this had been happening for a couple of weeks now. Oh wow. I really didn't have a life at all if hell was raising and I'd literally not cared enough to notice.

I feared that maybe I'd be killed by one of the diseased purely for ignoring their existence for the first few weeks they decided to wreak havoc.

I bit down on the finger of my glove and tore it off with my teeth, wiping my face with my, now bare, hand. I needed to think straight. Mello was the priority here. I needed to get to him, and fast.

He was in the next town over, which was roughly another hour away, and according to the radio station it had been hit harder than any other state. Great. Just, my, fucking, luck.

"Fuck, Mello." I grunted, slipping my glove back on, both hands now firmly planted on the wheel. Another hour to kill before I was killed. Great.

But, I was wrong.

When I reached the town it was dead. Everything was a mess, but it was dead. Cars piled up, bodies, everywhere. It really was horrific, however it would have been more horrifying if I actually gave a shit if I died or not.

I cruised through the streets slowly, he was at a bar. I didn't remember the name, but thankfully I had a good memory when it came to buildings and landmarks.

The Winchester.

"Well, hello beautiful."

I smirked, feeling like a complete prick for talking to the boarded up building in front of me. He had to be in there. He just had to be.

I hopped out of my car, locking it behind me, and keeping my hand on the gun hidden inside my vest, just in case. You never know who is going to jump out at you, or in this case what.

I looked up, and there he was. That arrogant asshole. One foot up on the corner of the roof, almost as if he'd fall if a breeze hit him. What a cocky asshole, but I'd never been so happy to see such a prick.

I chose not to say anything, instead I crept around the back and picked the lock, I couldn't control the foolish grin that was plastered to my face, at the sense of achievement. I just couldn't believe I'd found him in such a short amount of time, there was no mistaking Mello. That was him and-

_Click._

Fuck…

Fuck, fuck, fuck. No. I could have stayed in my apartment, I did not come from the comfort of my plush home, that was most likely safe due to there being no break ins the whole time I was hiding there, just to be killed by some scared idiot.

I raised my hands either side of my head, innocently, along with my head to look at my captor.

"Don't shoot! Please! My friend he-"

"Go on…"

I sighed and lowered my hands. He wouldn't shoot. Mello was an asshole, but he wouldn't blow his _ex_? Best friends brains out.

"Well, you know I noticed this arrogant prick, he's pretty small, and has a filthy mouth-"

"I may have a filthy mouth, but I can do pretty filthy things with it."

I was cut off, but I simply rolled my eyes as he pulled me inside, locking the door behind me.

"How'd you find me?"

"You know, you actually wasn't that hard to track down when I actually bothered to look."

Yeah right, five years, not too hard. Whatever Matt, you know he can read you perfectly, so why are you even trying to put up a front?

"I see. So you must have missed me if you spent five years looking for me. Don't you think maybe I let you find me this time?"

What an asshole.

"I missed you."

"I know."

Prick.

"So…"

I didn't know what to say, why did I have to say anything? This was awkward as hell, somehow I'd imagined this like one of those movies, where the people run across a meadow and into each other's arms. Hell no. This was only getting worse and I was kind of regretting it now.

"So…"

He mimicked me, shoving his Beretta down the front of his- hell fucking no, was he seriously wearing leather pants? Whoa, fucking midriff. Mello. I clucked my tongue and shook my head, taking a seat in one of the booths, sighing as I slouched down into the worn out seat. A seat were plenty of hard working people had sat once before me, to take an hour or so to relax before going home to their families.

But, not anymore.

It was strange, and now that the end of the world was happening, I realised. I wouldn't miss any of those normal things, because well… I didn't have any of them. I never left the house, online delivery saved me from doing so.

But, it was sad. I'd missed out on so much. Mello was right. Mello… Wait he was saying something. I snapped out of thought and looked at him, now paying attention to whatever it was he was blathering on about.

"I've been here for a week already. You didn't notice did you? I figured you'd find me soon enough though, when you found out, you know… About the infected."

He knew I'd look for him? Wow, he really had gotten cockier. I hadn't imagined it was possible, but here we were. But, what did he mean by infected? Did he know how all of this started? He probably did. Mello was pretty smart, and if something big was happening, he was sure to at least have more information than the regular Joe.

"Yeah, I didn't notice. Fuck it. Mello come here. We need to talk. I'm sorry okay. I've been looking for so long and-"

No. I couldn't. Don't let him have the upper hand. He can't do this to you. Not again. He makes you think he trusts you and then he leaves. It's Mello. He'd leave you for dead if those things attacked right now. Keep yourself together.

"And?"

"Nothing. You know what it doesn't matter Mello. You left without even giving me a chance! I woke up and you were gone! I was hacking a bank! To get us money! To keep you from fucking hell know's who for money!"

_Slap!_

I raised my hand to my bright red cheek and gawked at the blond opposite me. The expression on his face wasn't too desirable. The blood rushed to my cheek and it began to sting. Shit, he'd hit me really hard. That was one thing I didn't miss about him. How much he use to hit me. But, looks like I'd have to get use to this all over again. Maybe he'd get complete control over his anger. But, I did have to admit I deserved that one.

"Mello I'm… I didn't…"

"Shut up."

His voice was stern as he raised a hand to me, cutting me off from talking, for now.

I simply nodded in response. I was not arguing with him, not now anyway. Not when we'd just been reunited after so long. Even if it wasn't all I'd expected, he was here, and that was all that mattered right now. I let out a small breath I didn't know I'd been holding and then something in my mind clicked.

I reached into my pocket and dug about for a second or two, before pulling out a long string of beads, more so a rosary. Mello's rosary, I know he'd left it for me when he ran. The morning he left I found it hooked to the end of my bed, not a note, or even a goodbye. That was my goodbye.

"You left this. I figured it would only be right to return it to it's rightful owner."

I leaned forward, hesitantly placing it over his head it suited him much better, but it almost looked a sin to wear it with all that leather. But, of course, only Mello could pull of such a look. Sometimes it made me wonder what made him hold so hope in their being a God. He wasn't too religious, but he did always drag me into a church every time we passed one.

"Thanks… I didn't actually think you'd notice it, let alone keep it."

At least he wasn't brooding and acting like he hadn't left it for me, that was what I'd expected of him in the first place. Maybe he had grown up a little. I could tell his temper was a lot more under control now, had he been working on it?

"Hey, Mells…"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have any food stocked up in this place? A bed? I have my car out back, maybe we can stay the night then leave in the morning if you want?"

"Sure thing. We have food. Come on."

With that he stood, heading up a narrow set of stairs, and up to a small apartment. Hell this must have been Mello's place. I was right. I knew I had to be. The interior all black and red. Every piece of furniture of Gothic design, and not to mention the shelves and bookcases full of classical titles. This sure was his little haven, huh?

"Nice place."

I complimented, as I ran my fingers along the spines of the books, quickly looking over the names, not really knowing many of them. I never did read so much. But, Mello. He always had his face buried in a book back at Wammy's.

"Thanks. We have to leave though. People know I'm here. We're not safe. We'll leave in the morning."

He seemed to mold perfectly to the leather sofa, camouflage at it's best. With a small nod of agreement, I decided to join him, shuffling to the edge of the couch and leaning on the arm, just taking the whole room in, admiring the view.

"You grew, huh? Still too thin though."

I knew he'd say that. He always use to poke at my stomach whenever I seemed to gain one, it was odd really. I think he liked it, but I wasn't too sure. He'd usually just be all 'hey fat ass you need to drop a few'' but with Mello that meant he was actually taking notice of you, so I never complained and just shrugged his words off.

"You never did like me when I was thin, never liked me anyway..."

I grumbled the last part to myself, but I knew he heard me when my shin was met with the tip of his boot. I hissed and glared at him, only to be flashed a smile that read; 'dare complain and I'll only do it again, and harder.'

"Show me to the bedroom."

"Oh, eager now are we? Down boy. I may have to kick you again."

Fucking jackass.

Mello grabbed my wrist, dragging me to the bedroom, there was a double sized four poster bed. It was actually a little small for what I'd expected of him.

"Have you packed? There's plenty of space in my car, so maybe we should get that done so there's less hassle in the morning if we have to make a quick run for it."

"Done, and done. They've been packed a whole week, while I was-"

While you were what, Mello? Waiting for me? I know you were, so you don't need to try and deny it, funny thing was, he didn't. He just shut up and showed me the pile of bags and suitcases full of clothes and food, and other miscellaneous objects.

"So we're going to bed now? I'm sleeping in my boxers. Don't complain."

He simply groaned and sat at the edge of the bed, tugging off his boots and leather pants. I chuckled when he struggled getting them past his thighs, watching as he suffered.

For some reason I wasn't so hungry anymore, and then maybe I figured it would be a good idea to only eat when really necessary, food was going to be difficult to get a hold of now, and we were both thin enough as it was.

"Hey, Blondie."

I sat down on the opposite side of the bed, we now had our backs to each other as we pulled our clothes off. First my boots met the wooden floor with a clunk, then my vest, jeans. But, my goggles remained on my face. I wasn't taking those off unless necessary. Although it would be nice to get a better look at him without that golden tint.

"Yeah?"

"Want me to fix up your phone for you so it works?"

"Sure, I suppose you will come in handy in the future. I was right to wait about for you."

Now he'd admit it, huh? Only because I was of use. Whatever. I took the phone as he handed me it. placing it next to my own on the nightstand.

"I have parts in my car. I'll get it fixed up when we're on the road tomorrow if you're willing to drive for a few?"

"Sure. I don't mind."

With a sigh I ran my hand through my hair, and was a little surprised when I felt a tug on the elastic at the back of my goggles.

"Me-"

I turned around to see him, he was kneeling up on the bed, pulling my goggles from my face.

"Hey, hey, hey! Mells you know I don't-"

"Shut up."

I sighed and complied, as he pulled my goggles off, giving a small smile as he set them down on the nightstand. I didn't know what his deal was half the time, but he knew I hated my eyes. So it really made me feel sick when he pulled shit like this.

"Mello, enough."

I warned, or rather I tried to, my tone wasn't threatening enough at all. Never would be, nothing would scare Mello off, especially not me. He knew he had me wrapped around his little finger, and he knew I loved it that way.

"Fine."

He moved away from me and jumped under the covers, tugging them up to his neck and turning on his side, his back facing me of course. It was humorous sometimes how he could act so adamant and tough, yet the next minute he'd be sulking like a baby. Now that he thought about it, it was quite cute…. No. Wait. No. Not gay. You don't like Mello. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

"Get in."

"Fine."

No arguments Matt. Just get in bed and get to sleep. I told myself, countless times. Ah, shit the covers sure felt nice. I stretched my legs out as I pulled the covers up over myself, lying down on my back.

"Hey Mells… What is it? Why are they… You know?"

"I don't know Matt…"

"You think we're going to be okay?"

"Get to sleep."

"But… I'm not tired yet."

"It all started three weeks ago-"

There was a pause and the sheets ruffled as he shifted into his back, there now being less space in the bed, we both lay with our arms tucked under our heads, looking at the ceiling. It was a little awkward I had to admit, but at the same time, nice. I didn't realise how much I'd missed his company. He was sarcastic, arrogant, and pretty much an asshole. But, he was my asshole, and I'd missed him like hell.

"-I don't know what it is exactly, but it's some sort of virus. It spreads through the bite, or you know, blood to blood contact."

"I see… So zombies?"

"Kind of, but you don't come back. It's more of an infection, a disease. Not the undead type."

"Oh, well that's a shame…"

Mello turned his head and raised a brow at me.

"A shame? Why so?"

"Well, you know. It would have been like the real apocalypse, but now there's a chance of a cure."

"You're such an idiot."

Finally, he cracked a smile.

"I missed that."

Automatically I was greeted with his back once again.

"Night."

I sighed and shook my head, a small grin on my lips. I turned onto my side, our backs facing each other. It felt nice to share a bed with someone. I think the only person I'd actually came in contact with was the landlady, and the occasional delivery guy. Oh well. I had to get use to them now, I had no choice.

"Night."

"I missed you too…"

It was a whisper, and I could barely hear him due to his head being buried under the covers, but those words meant the world to me. I buried my face into the pillow, with a small sigh. I hope living with Mello was going to be a lot different this time around.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning I was woken up by my Alarm, I'd set it for seven the night before. The hairs on my arms raised, the absence of the warmth from under the blankets causing goosebumps to rise on the skin. The next morning I was woken up by my Alarm, I'd set it for seven the night before. The hairs on my arms raised, the absence of the warmth from under the blankets causing goosebumps to rise on the skin.

"Shit…"

I grumbled, finally putting the alarm out of it's misery, or rather putting us out of ours. I turned around to see the blond peacefully asleep next to me. It was seven in the morning, it wouldn't kill to give him a couple extra minutes.

I smiled to myself, although I wasn't all too sure why, and brushed his hair back out of his face before jumping up and taking a quick shower. Actually bothering to shave this time considering I probably wouldn't be getting another decent shower for hell knew how long.

Fifteen minutes later I emerged from the steamy room, the cold hitting my skin, the only towel I could find wrapped around my waist. "Shit…" I rooted through Mello's stuff and found a pair of jeans and a hoodie. I pulled them on and dried my hair off with the towel that had been around my waist.

Walking down the hallway, I paused for a moment, a little shocked when I looked in the mirror. Those bright green eyes staring back at me. Those weren't mine… Not mine… They were his… His.

Before I could look away, cry out for help, I fell to the floor, curling up on myself, knee's clutched tightly to my chest. The shaking was uncontrollable. Whenever I was like this. Panic attacks weren't in the norm for me, but I did get them now and then, whenever I was distressed or old memories were dug back up.

"Matt… Oh fuck."

I couldn't move. I wanted to. All I could do was stare at him in desperation. Then my blond saviour darted to my side, he knelt down and hugged me gently around my shoulders.

We stayed like that for a little while. I didn't know how much time had passed, but at some point I'd been helped to the sofa and handed a warm mug, I didn't know what was inside, but it looked like herbal tea probably was knowing Mello.

"Matt… You feeling any better?"

I gave a small nod, managing a smile as those slender fingers slipped through my matted hair, that was still a little damp from my shower earlier.

"You really scared me back there… I thought... You know?"

Honestly, frightening Mello was the last thing I wanted to do. I just needed to get my goggles back, I was only feeling more and more exposed as the seconds passed.

"G-goggles…"

The word was but a whisper, however Mello was already up and on his feet. He snatched the goggled from the nightstand and ran back to me, kneeling down in front of me, placing them back over my head and pulling them carefully up over my eyes.

"Th-thank you."

I really did feel quite pathetic, but I knew I'd be better in a little while, maybe still a little jumpy, but anything was an improvement on what I was feeling like right now.

"No problem, Mattie."

I felt a strange fuzz in my stomach at the nickname. So long… I had been so long since he'd called me that. I'd almost forgotten that it was one of my many dorky nicknames I'd been give.

"The car… We need to pack the car."

A large hand patted my back tenderly, as I was offered a sympathetic smile. Hell, Mello must have been seriously worried, any other time he would have shouted at me for not recovering already. But, it was probably the initial shock of the end of the world, along with seeing my eyes for the first time in roughly three years. I hated mirrors and usually avoided them at all costs, unless I had my goggles on of course, which incidentally I didn't this time.

"Well, it's still early. We have an hour or so to calm you down and let you get your shit together. You were out for a little while so I took a shower and moved the bags downstairs by the door."

I nodded along with his words, although they only seemed to pass through one ear and right back out the other.

"I'm r-ready… If we get the stuff out and you drive… I c-can fix your ph-phone for you."

Fucking stutter, it usually didn't last for long, but sometimes it could stick about for days after an episode like that.

"It's okay. I'll load the car up, the place is pretty clear, no one makes noise then they won't come ou-"

"No!"

I cut him off with a glare.

"Don't b-be st-stupid… I'll help. I'll load up and y-you watch my b-back."

"Fine Matt."

Mello rolled his eyes, seeming to think I couldn't see him, but I sure as hell could. However, it didn't annoy me, only reminded me of how things use to be. You know… Besides the fact that the world was literally fucked.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later and a cup of coffee, I was allowed to help load. Mello kept watch at the door, helping me with the occasional bag whenever I struggled. Which wasn't often, but it did happen.

"You think there's somewhere that's actually safe? You know… Is it global or..?"

"It is… Yeah… But, I do think there's got to be somewhere… Actually I was thinking N-"

"Near. Yeah. I was thinking the same. I mean I've actually been in contact with him recently. He helped me find you. So I'm guessing he's safe."

"It's strange… I'm actually worried about the kid."

His head hung low and I wondered what his expression was that was hidden beneath his bob that hid his face so expertly. I shrugged and dumped the last of the bags in the back of the car. The boot was full, along with most of the back seats.

"Great! Looks like we're all packed up! Plus there's a little extra space so if you want to bring anything extra along…"

"I'm okay. I'll be back for this place someday."

It was sad. To see him like this. It looked like he actually liked this place, I felt kind of bad now, maybe we could camp out here? But, Mello said it wasn't safe… No. We were leaving, and that was now set into play as I was dragged over to my Camaro and pushed into the passengers seat, given my small bag of tools and the two mobile phones.

"Make it so we can call each other and have a map."

I was ordered about, as we pulled away from the small building, that now looked so empty and lifeless. It was then that I realised how hard this was going to be for me. I never really thought the world would fall apart at my feet… You know? I just thought that no matter how long I stayed inside, people would still get on with life as normal. Not fuck up big time like this. Meaning I'd have no chance of ever living a normal life. But, then again. Maybe some people just weren't cut out for a normal life.

* * *

We drove for what seemed like hours, but it had only been three quarters of an hour, I'd finished both of the phones, they were set up and fully charged, but I turned them off to save energy. Explaining how to use them to Mello while he drove us to wherever seemed safest.

Tuning the radio in and out to try and catch someone who was actually alive and to gather some information on where to go and where not to, proved difficult. We pulled up at a deserted petrol station, filled up the tank and took a few bottles of fuel with us, in case we ran out. Blondie grabbing himself a whole bag full of chocolate bars and pretty much any candy he could nab. Also, being a little considerate and grabbing me some smokes. I didn't light up though. I wasn't in the mood.

Countless amounts of bodies… We passed them all on the motorways, in small country lanes, cities, towns. It was pretty depressing, this was going to drive me insane. It was strange though. It was like… No matter where you went, how secluded the place may be, it was only the lucky few that managed to escape.

That's all it came down to. Luck. Nothing to do with where you lived, age, gender, or even race. Nothing mattered in this world anymore. You just had to try your best to hold yourself together and work your way through this. It was going to be a difficult life, but with Mello to help I knew I'd be able to l survive… I hoped so anyway.

"Fuck!"

"Wha- Shit! Mells! Pull over!"

There was a little girl, crying. No. She was screaming. All alone, out in the middle of the small village. But, there was no telling how long she'd been there, was she bitten? Infected? How many of them had already heard her cries?

I didn't care. I wanted to help. I needed to. My human instinct was telling me this one stop wasn't going to do us any harm.

"No."

His voice was so cool, but she spotted us, she heard the engine and now she was looking at us pass her with big eyes. Eyes that pleaded, begged for help. The poor thing.

"Mello."

He didn't say nothing, my tone was serious enough to gain only a grain from him, before he pulled over and unlocked the door, looking away from me. Oh. I see. This was my choice so I had to deal with it? Fine.

"Shit…"

I grumbled, finally putting the alarm out of it's misery, or rather putting us out of ours. I turned around to see the blond peacefully asleep next to me. It was seven in the morning, it wouldn't kill to give him a couple extra minutes.

I smiled to myself, although I wasn't all too sure why, and brushed his hair back out of his face before jumping up and taking a quick shower. Actually bothering to shave this time considering I probably wouldn't be getting another decent shower for hell knew how long.

Fifteen minutes later I emerged from the steamy room, the cold hitting my skin, the only towel I could find wrapped around my waist. "Shit…" I rooted through Mello's stuff and found a pair of jeans and a hoodie. I pulled them on and dried my hair off with the towel that had been around my waist.

Walking down the hallway, I paused for a moment, a little shocked when I looked in the mirror. Those bright green eyes staring back at me. Those weren't mine… Not mine… They were his… His.

Before I could look away, cry out for help, I fell to the floor, curling up on myself, knee's clutched tightly to my chest. The shaking was uncontrollable. Whenever I was like this. Panic attacks weren't in the norm for me, but I did get them now and then, whenever I was distressed or old memories were dug back up.

"Matt… Oh fuck."

I couldn't move. I wanted to. All I could do was stare at him in desperation. Then my blond saviour darted to my side, he knelt down and hugged me gently around my shoulders.

We stayed like that for a little while. I didn't know how much time had passed, but at some point I'd been helped to the sofa and handed a warm mug, I didn't know what was inside, but it looked like herbal tea probably was knowing Mello.

"Matt… You feeling any better?"

I gave a small nod, managing a smile as those slender fingers slipped through my matted hair, that was still a little damp from my shower earlier.

"You really scared me back there… I thought... You know?"

Honestly, frightening Mello was the last thing I wanted to do. I just needed to get my goggles back, I was only feeling more and more exposed as the seconds passed.

"G-goggles…"

The word was but a whisper, however Mello was already up and on his feet. He snatched the goggled from the nightstand and ran back to me, kneeling down in front of me, placing them back over my head and pulling them carefully up over my eyes.

"Th-thank you."

I really did feel quite pathetic, but I knew I'd be better in a little while, maybe still a little jumpy, but anything was an improvement on what I was feeling like right now.

"No problem, Mattie."

I felt a strange fuzz in my stomach at the nickname. So long… I had been so long since he'd called me that. I'd almost forgotten that it was one of my many dorky nicknames I'd been give.

"The car… We need to pack the car."

A large hand patted my back tenderly, as I was offered a sympathetic smile. Hell, Mello must have been seriously worried, any other time he would have shouted at me for not recovering already. But, it was probably the initial shock of the end of the world, along with seeing my eyes for the first time in roughly three years. I hated mirrors and usually avoided them at all costs, unless I had my goggles on of course, which incidentally I didn't this time.

"Well, it's still early. We have an hour or so to calm you down and let you get your shit together. You were out for a little while so I took a shower and moved the bags downstairs by the door."

I nodded along with his words, although they only seemed to pass through one ear and right back out the other.

"I'm r-ready… If we get the stuff out and you drive… I c-can fix your ph-phone for you."

Fucking stutter, it usually didn't last for long, but sometimes it could stick about for days after an episode like that.

"It's okay. I'll load the car up, the place is pretty clear, no one makes noise then they won't come ou-"

"No!"

I cut him off with a glare.

"Don't b-be st-stupid… I'll help. I'll load up and y-you watch my b-back."

"Fine Matt."

Mello rolled his eyes, seeming to think I couldn't see him, but I sure as hell could. However, it didn't annoy me, only reminded me of how things use to be. You know… Besides the fact that the world was literally fucked.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later and a cup of coffee, I was allowed to help load. Mello kept watch at the door, helping me with the occasional bag whenever I struggled. Which wasn't often, but it did happen.

"You think there's somewhere that's actually safe? You know… Is it global or..?"

"It is… Yeah… But, I do think there's got to be somewhere… Actually I was thinking N-"

"Near. Yeah. I was thinking the same. I mean I've actually been in contact with him recently. He helped me find you. So I'm guessing he's safe."

"It's strange… I'm actually worried about the kid."

His head hung low and I wondered what his expression was that was hidden beneath his bob that hid his face so expertly. I shrugged and dumped the last of the bags in the back of the car. The boot was full, along with most of the back seats.

"Great! Looks like we're all packed up! Plus there's a little extra space so if you want to bring anything extra along…"

"I'm okay. I'll be back for this place someday."

It was sad. To see him like this. It looked like he actually liked this place, I felt kind of bad now, maybe we could camp out here? But, Mello said it wasn't safe… No. We were leaving, and that was now set into play as I was dragged over to my Camaro and pushed into the passengers seat, given my small bag of tools and the two mobile phones.

"Make it so we can call each other and have a map."

I was ordered about, as we pulled away from the small building, that now looked so empty and lifeless. It was then that I realised how hard this was going to be for me. I never really thought the world would fall apart at my feet… You know? I just thought that no matter how long I stayed inside, people would still get on with life as normal. Not fuck up big time like this. Meaning I'd have no chance of ever living a normal life. But, then again. Maybe some people just weren't cut out for a normal life.

* * *

We drove for what seemed like hours, but it had only been three quarters of an hour, I'd finished both of the phones, they were set up and fully charged, but I turned them off to save energy. Explaining how to use them to Mello while he drove us to wherever seemed safest.

Tuning the radio in and out to try and catch someone who was actually alive and to gather some information on where to go and where not to, proved difficult. We pulled up at a deserted petrol station, filled up the tank and took a few bottles of fuel with us, in case we ran out. Blondie grabbing himself a whole bag full of chocolate bars and pretty much any candy he could nab. Also, being a little considerate and grabbing me some smokes. I didn't light up though. I wasn't in the mood.

Countless amounts of bodies… We passed them all on the motorways, in small country lanes, cities, towns. It was pretty depressing, this was going to drive me insane. It was strange though. It was like… No matter where you went, how secluded the place may be, it was only the lucky few that managed to escape.

That's all it came down to. Luck. Nothing to do with where you lived, age, gender, or even race. Nothing mattered in this world anymore. You just had to try your best to hold yourself together and work your way through this. It was going to be a difficult life, but with Mello to help I knew I'd be able to l survive… I hoped so anyway.

"Fuck!"

"Wha- Shit! Mells! Pull over!"

There was a little girl, crying. No. She was screaming. All alone, out in the middle of the small village. But, there was no telling how long she'd been there, was she bitten? Infected? How many of them had already heard her cries?

I didn't care. I wanted to help. I needed to. My human instinct was telling me this one stop wasn't going to do us any harm.

"No."

His voice was so cool, but she spotted us, she heard the engine and now she was looking at us pass her with big eyes. Eyes that pleaded, begged for help. The poor thing.

"Mello."

He didn't say nothing, my tone was serious enough to gain only a grain from him, before he pulled over and unlocked the door, looking away from me. Oh. I see. This was my choice so I had to deal with it? Fine.


	3. Chapter 3

I inhaled a shaky breath and placed my gloved hand on the handle, then lifted my head slowly, taking a quick look out the window at the kid, she must have been about seven? Her hair was blond and curly, or probably just matted, because hell knew how long she'd been out here for, not to mention alone.

She needed my help and that was it, I hated to say it, but I had my hand on my gun inside my vest, you know… Just in case.

I opened the door. But, before I could leave Mello grabbed my arm.

"Check her for bites. I mean it. We need to be careful now, Matt."

"I know…"

I tried my best to offer him a smile that would tell him everything was going to be fine, but for some reason he wasn't buying it. He looked like a kicked pup, I hated when he was like this, I hated having the upper hand. I was so use to him being in control that when I had to actually grow a pair and do something for myself, I always chickened out.

I closed my eyes for a second, then opened the door. She was stood about five metres from the car, and seemed to take a step back when I stepped out, my boot crunching against the gravel on the road was a sweet reminder that this was reality, and I had to be fucking careful.

First, I scanned the perimeter, no houses, or so it seemed, no people… Just fields… A couple of cows, and well this kid… She did have a small suitcase with her, and a stuffed bear clutched tightly in her arms, but that was all.

"Hey, sweetie. I'm Matt… Are you out here all alone?"

I crouched down and smiled at her, not wanting to seem a threat, but I could tell Mello didn't like my approach by how he cleared his throat after I spoke.

"I…"

She cut herself off and coughed harshly, shit. I ran to her without a second thought. I could hear Mello shouting at me but I didn't care, this was a little girl, and she needed my help, infected or not.

"It's okay… Here… I'll get you some water in a second, just tell me, have you been hurt? Bitten?"

She shook her head, looking a little confused when I asked her had she been bitten, did she even know what was going on? How dangerous it was to be out here, alone?

"This is going to sound a little odd honey, but do you mind showing me your tummy?"

I could already see her arms, and legs, she was wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts, now that I thought about it… She was in her pajamas. Okay what the fuck was going on here? This was only getting weirder.

The kid looked wary at first, but then nodded lifting the hem of her shirt and showing me her stomach, letting me spin her around to check her back. She was clear, her temperature was looking good. Just a little malnourished, and that wasn't nothing we couldn't fix with all the food we had.

"Is this all you have with you?"

Again she nodded, not speaking, she probably couldn't. Her voice had sounded so weak earlier, and now I was starting to feel bad for having to examine her before offering her some water.

"Well hold on one second."

I shuffled around on from my spot on the floor, only to have a bottle of water pushed in my face. I knew he'd soften up sooner or later.

"Here."

I smiled up at Mello, as a thanks, hoping he could read my expression. It would shock me if he couldn't because that was the one thing he was always expert at.

"This is Mello, here you go-"

She grabbed at the water and clicked off the cap with her teeth, guzzling down the whole thing in what must have been under a minute.

"Oh fu-"

Slap.

Mello had hit me upside the head, and I turned to him with a pout.

"You can't swear in front of kids Matt…"

"Oh, yeah."

I smiled at her and ruffled her hair, chuckling when she pouted at me. This was going to be fun, now we had a new face to look after and get to know better, maybe Mello and I wouldn't bicker as much… Maybe.

* * *

After we'd gotten into the car, and shuffled a couple of bags about in the back to make some room for Linda, yeah her name was Linda, we found out she was actually a really sweet kid. But, we hadn't managed to get much more out of her yet, other than the fact that she'd ran away from home a couple weeks ago and gotten lost in the countryside.

Her parents were either worried sick, or dead. The ideal option was to find them, but we didn't have time to waste and really needed to find somewhere to crash for the night. Be it in the car or a building, I really just wished we'd come across a motel soon though. I was getting tired, and Mello was agitated, it was obvious by how he'd been tapping at the steering wheel for the past half hour.

Linda was curled up in the back, somehow asleep and lying across the two seats, in one of Mello's hoodies on that we'd pulled out for her.

"She's a good kid Mells… You think she'll be okay with us?"

"I think she'll do alright, better than what she would have alone."

A tired smile played on his lips as he eyes a nearby Motel that was coming up, then he turned his head to smirk at me. I knew he was suggesting staying the night, and I really wasn't up for arguing. So I'd settle for what we could find.

As we pulled up we noticed there were already two cars parked up.

"I'll go in and check."

"Be careful."

I clutched his sleeve like he'd done earlier to me, but he just offered a brief nod, his andon his gun as he got out of the knocked on the small reception door. I could see an older couple open it, at first they looked a little wary I mean come on who wouldn't? Mello was pretty threatening just to look at. But, their expression seemed to soften when Mello began talking, pointing back at the car now and then.

Turns out they had been letting people live in the Motel, hoping that this would all soon brush over, the woman was named Eden, and her husband was called Jacob, they were both around the same age, mid forties. They'd given Mello a family room and wished 'she' and 'her' husband, had a nice stay with 'their' child.

As much as Mello hated being mistaken for a women, he could look past this one, considering he was getting an actual bed to stay in, and besides she was old and probably couldn't see as well as she could in her earlier years. I just chuckled from the car when I saw him nod and thank her, taking the keys.

"She seems nice Mells."

"Okay, I guess... Aha-"

I'd gotten out now, holding Linda in my arms, whilst I juggled her little suitcase in my other hand.

Blondie smirked at me, before opening the door with a sigh, running right to the king sized bed and falling face first on it.

"The cars all nice and parked up back right?"

"Right."

"So… That means I can give Linda a nice warm bath and then get her to bed?"

"Sure thing."

Mello's face was smushed into the pillows, he looked like he was already about to pass out. Then there was a gentle knock at the door, so I placed the child down on the bed next to the already half asleep moron and opened the door.

"Hey! My mamma said you had a little girl… We had some spare clothes and I thought maybe…?"

Her accent was thick and really homely and welcoming, it was nice to be in the countryside, I'd forgotten how friendly the people were. Much nicer than in the cities.

"Oh, boy! Thanks! That would be a great help!"

"No problem! If you need anything you know where we are!"

I waved off the young brunette, she must have been in her early twenties, seemed nice enough for someone who was living through the apocalypse. Plus, figuring she'd said her mother, she was probably Eden's daughter.

"She gave us clothes Mell… Isn't that nice of them?"

"Hmmmm…."

"Lazy ass."

I dumped the clothes on his head and scooped Linda up, sitting down on the edge of the bed, with her on my lap, cradling her.

"Linda… We need to get you a bath, how does that sound?"

Mello whined as the clothes were dropped on his head, shuffling about and setting them down on the single bed, next to the double one.

"Hmnn… Matt…."

Her small hands clung to my shirt, and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face, she was just so sweet and innocent. I'd never really thought about it before, but I really did like children.

"It's okay… We just need to clean you up."

A sleepy nod was all I got in response, as she rubbed at her eyes with a yawn, before finally waking up a little and tilting her head to look at me.

"Where are we? Where are my things?"

"We're in a Motel, your things are over on the bed there. Now how about that bath?"

"Sure…"

I lifted her up and carried her to the bathroom, setting her down on the counter while I ran the bath filling it with bubbles and making sure the water was warm enough.

"Here we go!"

I helped her out of her clothes and into the tub, she didn't really mind letting a complete stranger looking after her, although I guess Mello had always been the more threatening looking out out of the two of us. I chose to try and wash her hair first, combing it gently, before washing it thoroughly.

"So… Do you know where your mum and dad are?"

I figured now would be a nice time to get to know her better.

"They umn… A man."

I nodded, encouraging her to continue as she played with the bubbles, looking a little confused.

"He got into the house… Blood… He had blood on him."

An infected. It had to be.

"Yes?"

"Mamma said to run… So I went up. I grabbed my suitcase and Mr snuffles!"

She started to get a little more animated as she explained what had happened, throwing her arms about and mimicking her actions. Then pointing to the other room where her bear and bag now were.

"I see. Why did she tell you to run?"

"Because the man silly! He was bad! He bit daddy! Then mamma hit him hard. His head… Blood came out, but she said he was sleeping… I didn't really understand, but then she picked up a thing. It looks like the one… The one your friend has in his pants!"

Mello's gun? Oh fuck. They were most definitely dead.

"She kissed me and told me to leave… That someone would help and I'd see her soon, she said she'd find me. But I know that's not true. I heard a loud bang when she pushed me out the door…"

She seemed to pause for a while, fuck this kid was brave. She hadn't even cried yet, either, or maybe I was speaking to soon. I placed a hand on her head and ruffled her hair as an attempt to soothe her, to tell her she was safe now, that I'd look after her. But, she only sighed and looked at me with big eyes.

"I went back to look, Matt. They all looked the same. On the floor. Blood by their heads… But, then daddy got up and walked about. It wasn't daddy though."

This she was sure of, her face contorted to a look of disgust as she turned to stare at the tiled wall, probably remembering what she'd seen earlier.

"I know it wasn't. His eyes were scary. He made bad noises. So before he could see me I ran! I was right! Wasn't I? I had to run, right Matt? That wasn't daddy?"

Her eyes began to fill with tears and she turned to look at me for some sort of support. I couldn't help it when I saw those big brown eyes filled with tears. I grabbed her and held her tightly in my arms, not caring how soaked my shirt would be.

After a few minutes she seemed to calm down, her shoulders stopped shaking along with her sobs. Although Linda still seemed pretty upset, at least she wasn't crying anymore.

I picked her up and wrapped her in a towel, drying her off and pulling one of my clean jumpers over her head, it acting as a nightgown for her. Oh shit her hair… Well, blondie had always been one for hair, maybe he could help in this department?

"I'll get Mello to dry your hair for you, okay?"

She nodded and only clung to me tighter, so I took that as a yes and carried her over to the bed, sitting down next to Mello, whose eyes were glued to the TV screen, he was only watching old reruns though, nothing important.

"I need you to help dry Linda's hair… You can do that right?"

"Wha- Oh. Yeah. I can. There's a hairdryer in my bag so… Just give me a sec."

He jumped up and grabbed a large bag, plugging in the noisy device and sitting on the bed with his legs open, pulling the little girl between them, his knees raised either side of her as he began what looked like curling her hair. She looked at me a little worried and poked out her bottom lip, but I only offered a smile in return, knowing she was in safe hands.

"I didn't know you were actually good with shit shi… shhhh… I mean… Yeah. I didn't know you could actually style hair."

"What do you think I've been doing all this time?"

He offered a playful grin and honestly I wasn't quite sure if he was taking the piss out of me or being genuine, but I soon got my answer when he burst out laughing, as he finished drying the last of Linda's hair.

"Oh, hey. You look beautiful!"

"I'm not bootiful."

Oh shit she was so cute, I just wanted to squish her. But, Mello had started talking and I didn't want to miss out on this, so I tuned out of my mindless rambled for a while, to catch whatever it was what the blond was saying.

"It's Bea-u-tiful. But you are. You also have really nice hair, but I think Matt would agree with me when I say it's way past your bedtime. So how about you get to bed and I'll read you a story or something?"

"But… I want to stay up."

She whined a little, and I just laughed at the two, who'd have thought Mello of all people would have been the motherly type.

"Bed. Now, and you."

He turned his attention to me and glared, I only swallowed thickly and raised my hands.

"Mother don't hurt me."

I chuckled, gaining me a slap to the side of the head. But, I only whined and brooded for a minute, watching as Mello picked Linda up and tucked her into the single bed, getting her stuffed bear for her when she'd asked for it.

"Night Linda."

I leaned over the little girl and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, tucking her in gently then going to kiss Mello on the head too, smiling when she laughed and bumped out foreheads together.

"Oh, you're so mean to me Mells."

Linda giggled at us, and Mello just rolled his eyes and flicked me in the nose, he never really was on for fooling about, but I guess if it was making the kid smile, mamma bear would accept it.

"Just get to bed I'll deal with you later."

"Oh, so eager."

I winked at him, before tugging off my jeans and shirt, jumping into bed in my boxers, all after checking the locks on the windows and front door, of course.

I watched the two as they spoke and chuckled, Mello sat on the edge of the bed, playing with her hair as he told her a story. I had to admit I wasn't really listening, I was too entranced with watching him.

He was such a majestic creature. I couldn't even call him human, because whatever Mello was, that wasn't it. He had no flaws. He was perfect, inside and out, even if he did see himself as quite the monster.

I heard him click the light off and hush at me not to say anything, as he wiggled out of his leathers and slid into bed next to me.

The motel bed being a lot smaller than his we'd shared the night before, meant that we were cramped up quite closely together, but neither of us seemed to mind, considering it was winter and the place was cold.

Eventually, he turned his back on me and mumbled a 'good night', to which I returned, before curling up facing his back, resting my forehead on his shoulder, as I nodded off to sleep. Just hoping we'd somehow manage to make it through this.


End file.
